By Nick Davis
What’s more American than exercising your constitutional right to petition your government? Below in bold are 16 hilariously ridiculous, yet totally legitimate, White House petitions in all their glory. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to hear a formal response from the President on any of these. Don’t hurt yourself laughing.
Authorize the Production of a Recurring Television Program Featuring Vice President Joe Biden.
Joe Biden on the nightly news is gut-busting enough. In fact, I’m starting to develop a nice set of abs.
Include and Recognize the Sport of Table Tennis A.K.A. “Ping Pong” as Part of a School’s Athletic Curriculum of Choice.
I think China, Japan, and South Korea have table tennis on lock. We should focus on something that America doesn’t dominate yet, but can also easily rise to the top. I suggest Roller Derby.
Allow United States Military Service Members to Place Their Hands In Their Pockets.
If anyone deserves to put their hands in their pockets, it’s the United States military. We thank you service men and women.
Direct the United States Mint to Make a Single Platinum Trillion-Dollar Coin!
Kudos to this person. Instead of bitching and complaining, they actually came up with a solution, albeit a little shortsighted.
Impeach the GOP Congress Immediately while Withholding Their Pay and All Benefits. Make This Retroactive to 11-7-2012.
The Democrats had a hell of a time getting Republicans to agree to tax hikes. Good luck on getting them to pay back two months worth of salary.
Nationalize the Twinkie Industry.
God help us. Maybe a Joe Biden reality show makes sense now.
Try Senator Dianne Feinstein in a Federal Court For Treason Against the Constitution.
The United States legal code states treason is punishable by death. Yeah, that seems reasonable.
Create ‘Gun Free Politician Zones’ for all politicians who support ‘Gun Free School Zones’ and strict gun control laws.
You can’t just create a ‘______ Free Zone” for anything. If that were allowed, we should make a ‘Lame Petition Free Zone’ with your computer at the top of the list.
Deport British Citizen Piers Morgan for Attacking 2nd Amendment.
Can’t we deport this guy for wasting our time?
Keep Piers Morgan In the USA.
A better petition would be to reinstate Morgan as a judge on “America’s Got Talent,” a place where his snide comments can be appreciated.
Establish New Legal System of Motorcycle Riding “Judges” Who Serve As Police, Judge, Jury, and Executioner All In One.
Because who hasn’t wanted Hell’s Angels as supreme overlords at one point or another?
Place the DC “Taxation Without Representation” License Plate on the Presidential Limousine.
I like this person’s sense of history and ironic usage of the fabled, “No Taxation Without Representation.” The Founding Fathers would be proud.
Secure Resources and Funding then Begin Construction of a Death Star by 2016.
Nuclear weapons? Child’s play!
Outlaw Offending Prophets of Major Religions.
My prophet is better than your prophet.
Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States of America.
Finally! Some common sense! I think we can all get behind this.